Friday, January 7, 2011

The Dream Boat


Second in line at Koffee?, out of sight line with register yet voices audible. Free coffee overheard. I approach counter and electronic register gently lean forward and make an inquiry regarding free coffee. After ensuing noises, koffee? house proprietress snarls, and ding bat cob webs being cleared, a laminated warning sign is thrust towards me along the counter:

Warning! Every abandoned child will receive three shots of espresso and a puppy. I pleaded with the proprietress on the matter, my mother, the Gaea Goddess Witch Whore, had just dropped me of in front of the shop like orphaning a child in front of a church in a basket whipping me with a bark coated neonic blue glow stick tree branch.

I continued on and had the audacity to ask for an Alaskan Husky with two different colored eyes. The proprietress was taken aback for a moment and again with her sardonic koffee house snarl said she only wished for the most hated dog for me as she began to lose her patience and demanded to know what my impertinent presence continued to do loitering in front of her dormant hungry register.

I swiftly told her I wanted some whack! She promptly imformed me that their shop Koffee? has whack a plenty and that I will have plenty of whack in my koffee, because, well of course, it was Wednesday - Odinsday.

Wimpy Dark Matter, a cartoon hybrid with a physical appearance somewhere between the Pillsbury Dow Boy and the Marshmellow Man, mellowfied stilled on the black wall of the men's bathroom ornamenting the florrid graffiti writ above the industrial sewage pipe dream squatter: Make Your Mark.

As I returned to the main floor from the basement, who could it be but Wimpy Dark Matter himself, 4 inches in stature living in a magical pencil and paper Toon Jank Town style hybridized with actual 3-D retinal rendering, pacing the counter with a taciturn, sanguine demeanor and chatting quietly with the proprietress.  Wimpy obviously was caught up on weighty matters being the creation of a non-tech-n(not)aught cartoonist who knew nothing of cosmology, thought dark was shady and matter street secrets, and lived next door to a Yale cosmology PhD student for a brief bout.  Thus the stormy osmotic storkdom stemming from Wimpy's origins, who is now reside-ence-ic at Koffee?

As one Draco Feralcrow approached, it could be overheard that Wimpy Dark Matter had been recently marooned on a small tropical island with a Gecko. "And see this here card? Abandoned Andy? That was my self portrait drawn during my time on the island. Too much toxic raspberry crab cobbler mind-o-fuct. Then just like at the end of Lord of the Flies, a Man arrived on the island by boat, took one quick, sure, look at the Gecko, pulled out a gun..."

"Whacked koffee," spoketh the proprietess to me with a rosy cheeked smile as I neared the counter and read the black writing on the side of the mug she handed me: "The Dream Boat."

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